It never ceases to amaze me the heart that God has for me...He loves me so unconditionally and most of the time I don't even realize the magnitude of this...what a huge gift this is. Sometimes I am oblivious of this until I fall. It's then when I botch it, make one of my biggest blunders ever or just biff it in the same thing one more time...that's when I need to know so desperately that I am loved in spite of my weakness and failure. Unconditional love is the most powerful healer of all. I can say that with experience, even though I really don't get it at all...why is it so hard to understand and not only understand, but receive? Could it be it is so foreign to our world?
Because I really don't "get" it, I have a difficult time giving it to others, sometimes especially to those closest to me. I have many lofty ideas for my relationships with my husband, children and friends. The thoughts I have before my husband gets home for example...
I will tell him how much I love him, give him the biggest hug ever and then he comes home and I find myself upset over something stupid...how he makes a mess when he cooks, why am I not just grateful that he is cooking at all? Why am I irritated by the smallest, stupidest things instead of celebrating that we are together, alive, healthy in a warm home, full bellies and blessed with family. Some people have absolutely no one and feel so alone and would give anything to have my life. and yet I find myself failing day after day in so many ways, forgetting all the blessings that God has given me and continues to give me every minute of every day. Have I told them I love them even when I am upset and filled with angst? What am I so upset over anyway? Can I let it go knowing that I often only see things from one perspective, mine...maybe my way of seeing things is not the only way and maybe it is not the best way...
The longer I live, the longer I realize I know less and less of what I thought I knew. That is a good thing! May I just realize this on a daily basis with those I love...not jump to conclusions, (my own conclusions) so quickly...
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