On whom does it depend?

We had an interesting discussion tonight at home group....spurring lots of thoughts.  We talked of seasons in our lives...the imperceptible changes that take place deep within one's soul during these times.  The wintry, dry seasons that can bring us to despair or feeling as though something is just not clicking and we feel shame.  We talked of the season of grief....both through death and also through emotional loss.  It is okay to just be, to take the time necessary to feel the feelings, to ask the questions, to reminisce, to cry, to pray (or not).  Seasons where the wind blows over our dusty soul.  Seasons where the green vibrant leaves turn to orange and red colors and fall to the ground quietly and become part of the landscape, a catalyst for change, one where we notice that something is changing.

God is not worried about what I do.  He is not upset when I do not have a quiet time for days or weeks at a time...(we are the ones that lose out on peace that could've been ours for the day, hope in a difficult situation or wisdom for whatever we may face).  He does not need me, He just wants me to be with him.  We think we will meet with him and be blessed (and we will), but not necessarily like we thought...God can work and is working in us and around us in spite of us..."He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it" Philippians 4:13

We talked of where weeds can grow up and distract....so many things pull us from what is truly important and sometimes we cannot see it until it is too late.  All is meaningless as the writer of Ecclesiastes, Solomon, realizes time after time.

God loves us no matter what, no matter what season we may find ourselves in..."I will never leave  you nor forsake you", Hebrews 13:5 has always been one of my most favorite promises from Scripture.  I think of Psalm 139 as well where David talks of whether we are in the deepest hell or the highest mountain, God is still with us...  So, we cannot do anything or not do anything that will drive our Heavenly Father away from us.  God is not watching to see if we spend time with Him today reading His Word and then giving us a star on our scorecard for good behavior.  He is not concerned with anything really except for "hanging out with us", because He loves us and He knows what we need to be at peace, to thrive in the difficulties of life.

I brought up the fact that with gardening there are things that you need to do to be able to reap a harvest...first, plant the seed; the lettuce is not going to arrive in the spring unless I cultivate the soil and plant the seed, fertilize or compost it, water it and weed it.  Does that mean I need to "cultivate" my relationship with God somehow or is it all about God drawing and wooing me alone?  It seems that the Bible often has a cause and effect or condition and promise system mentioned in both Old Testament and New Testament...

Which came first, the chicken or the egg scenario pops in my mind at this point...we love because He first loved us or do we love because we are trying to gain His love?  Why are we doing what we are doing; reading our Bible, memorizing Scripture, serving the poor or having our morning quiet time ritual?  Is it because we want to connect with our Father or is it because we are afraid of His judgment or trying to gain His approval?  It seems to me that it is really a motivation thing more than any "thing".  

I was thinking of relationships...do I intentionally seek out moments to connect with my husband for example or does it happen without me even trying sometimes?  Sometimes I have noticed that the times I am trying "too hard"  blow up in my face and at other times it just happens naturally without me working at it at all....Is it a combination of both?  

How about long-distance family?  Do I need to purposefully cultivate relationships or is there a familiarity that stands the test of time with a security in the relationship that is already established so that no matter what I do or don't do as far as connecting is concerned, that bond remains close?  If it is close, don't I feel "closer" per se when I spend time talking with them and visiting them?  

It seems that it is neither and both all at the same time...it depends on the quality of the relationship for one and we know that God is perfect, all-loving and a very present help in our time of need (even when we do not know that we need).  So, at least one-half of this friendship will not fail.  So, the question for me at this point is do we have any responsibility in the quality of our relationship with God?  One verse says, "It does not depend on man's desire or effort..."  

It seems the more I ponder this thought, the more of a quandary I am in.  James tells us that "Faith without works is dead".  Or to put it in my own words..."your faith without actions means nothing". Again, it is about motivation...what is driving the actions?  You already have God's approval; you are his child!  I think of my relationship with my son, whether he does good or bad, excels at piano or fails to listen in music lessons; he is my son and I love him!  His poor choices break my heart and his good choices encourage me, but either way I love him still.  I am committed to him and will never abandon him no matter what!

I am loved by my Abba Daddy no matter what, but His heart grieves when I make bad decisions...and as a result I may face the natural consequences of my poor decisions.  I am thinking of the judgment of Israel, being led to captivity in Babylon...they sought other gods, they filled the void they had with idols...and we are no different though our "gods" may look different...but God loved them and His compassions do not fail and He eventually delivered them out the hands of their captors...

Today, I will seek  my God at all times, His praise will continually be on my lips!  I will remind myself that I am loved, no matter what and will rest in a love so complete and so pure that there is no need for me to run anywhere else....