I have lived in Montana since 1992; a big move from living in the Green Mountain State. I first came out here to be a part of Youth With A Mission. I started with a Discipleship Training School and took a mission trip to Australia. After my stint there I started working for an area nursing home and saved money to go back to YWAM where I then did a School of Worship and did a missions trip along the west coast of the United States praying and doing conferences of sorts about worship.
Fast forward to October 2005 when Kent and I married after a year of long-distance dating in Florida and then he moved here...it's kind of a long story. Anyway, there are a lot of things drawing him back to Florida. His aging parents still live in Florida along with his two sisters. The funny thing is they are from South Dakota where they farmed ever since he was a boy. He has always regretted that his dad had to sell the farm, but that is another story...
The crazy thing is I never remember thinking that I might end up in Florida...guess that is what love does...
So, here we are on the precipice of making a huge decision...a decision that at this point seems elusive. Kent complains that one day I am okay with it and saying I will support him and then the next time I am upset and angry that we have to move. It is true! I am having a hard time buying into this decision wholeheartedly. I am not convinced that all of the issues that he faces here will somehow miraculously be eliminated simply by moving there.
How do I get my heart to agree with him and move in that direction happily? I know I need to give him a wholehearted "Yes", in order for him to feel honored and supported. I need to give him a chance. My thoughts start racing and my fears start rising and his face turns crestfallen.
I know that God is the one who holds my future in His hands. It is hard trusting an imperfect man with your life, but ultimately it is God who I am railing against. It is God that I am choosing not to trust with my future. I am struggling...I don't want to live in a big city with big highways and lots of traffic and crime. The lifestyle there is completely different. Why can't he just make it work here?!
If we are to move there, I will move. That is my role as a wife. Whether he is happy in his jobs plays a huge role in whether we are happy as a family. With God's help I can scale a wall. This could be an adventure if I choose to see it that way. I need to give God my frustrations, my fears and my friendships...He is able to do much more than I could ever ask or think! Will I lay down the struggle to hold on to His hand? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Lord give me the strength!
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