He is Faithful...more of our adoption journey...

The wait continues, excrutiatingly...years have and are going by. We began our second adoption process in January 2011, Josiah turns five on April 10th.  We wonder where God is in the middle of this and what He is up to....We see teens having babies without any trouble, families easily getting pregnant and even knowing there are abortions happening every day whille we long for a little boy or girl.  There is no making sense out of the senseless...there is only trust in a God who knows way more than we do and that is not always easy, it is a moment by moment walk.  

So, a couple of weeks ago were called by the social worker on a Saturday (An unusual occurence to be called on the weekend).  She was passing through Great Falls and met with a birthmother and wanted to know if she could show her our profile...on our PPDS data sheet we chose to not be shown to birthmother's wh have been on drugs...well, this birthmother had used meth for her first trimester...Normallly, we would not even be called about this siutation, but because we are now officially the longest waiting couple the SW asked usi if she could call us each time there was a birthmother even if she did not match our PPDS.  Of course, we said yes.  There are only eight couples waiting at this point because there have been such few adoptions and LSS was trying to get us all placed more quickly, but they said they are going to have to add more potential adoptivce parents to the waiting list now.  

It struck me how most people are not put in this situation...their lives hanging in the balance with a momentous decision such as this....do we accept a crack or meth baby?  Apparenttly the cause and effect of a meth baby is not defiinitiviely correlated...in other words, no one really knows.  A lot depends on what parts of the baby are being devceloped at the time of the drug use.  The first trimester is when the tiny body parts are being formed...so supposedly it can affect those parts the most.  

Part of me becomes a bit self-righteous maybe, that here we are; never took drugs, rarely drink and we are having to decide whether or not we will take drug addicted babies or potential fetal alcohol babies...and yet, these babies need moms and dads too...they need the love of a family and to learn and know of the love of God too...

It is a scary proposition to embark on this course....will we be dealing with learning disabilities, depressed or hyper kids, some kind of deformities or disabilities?  Who knows what these drugs can do to a little fetus in utero?  Do we say yes to the unknown?  Are we listening to the spirit throughout this whole process?  Are we just afraid?  Are we responding in faith or fear?  We need God's wisdom and intervention throughout this whole process, only He knows and He can give us the peace through any situation if we know we are following Him through it all...

In the end, she chose another profile and our profile was never shown as the SW had called us and we were not available initially...we weren't chosen, again...But, God knows all there is to know.  He understands the situation.  He knows what we can handle and what we cannot...and in the end, His will will be done!  He is faithful through it all even in the midst of our pain, our wavering hearts, and our questioning souls...He is faithful, yes, He IS faithful!