Life through Loss...

I wonder what it is like...to feel the movement of life in one's womb?  Though I have a son, I will never know...there are times when I see a pregnant woman or hear someone tell of their pregnancy or how they feel the baby kick or move and I have a moment of sadness, of loss...

I remember when I was a girl, my mother told of how hard giving birth was, the pain of it.  Honestly, I was scared to death and thought to myself that I never wanted to give birth, but would adopt...and here I am having done just that...adopted and not given birth...

I am grateful for our son...no matter how he came to us.  God has His ways.  Lately though I have thought about the real privilege it is to be a part of what God is doing...to have a part in conception and forming life....only once did God choice immaculate conception...His preferred method is the cooperation of his children to participate in the miracle of conception and birth.  Women are the only ones that get to experience life inside them, in their core and giving life and nurturing life is a huge part of their (our) calling.  Though I have not given life through my physical body; I have given life through the process of adoption...that process did not include nausea and vomiting and morning sickness or feeling the baby move; but it was a long, uphill climb kind of process that took an immense faith to believe that we would have a baby at the end...and we did give "birth" so to speak.  It was painful. It was hard.  It was nerve-wracking...but in the end a baby was born and he was to become our long-awaited son!  

Yes, I'll never know why I didn't get to experience the miracle of birth in the traditional way until eternity and yes, there will always be a loss there....experiencing loss is just part of living on this earth.  But, I have the opportunity to nurture a little boy that I get to call my son and that is no less a miracle!  And I will forever be grateful for this opportunity of being Mom to Josiah!