I was single for a very long time...I got married when I was 38-years-old. I really struggled with being single for a long time and was excited to finally be married. I have now been married for over five years...and through most of those short years, I have struggled on the other side of my marital status. Who would've thought marriage could be so hard? Maybe it's because I have lived by myself for so long, I have been very independent. It's not so much the independent issue that seems to be the difficulty though. It is as the Bible talks about in Genesis, "you will want control over your husband." Yikes! Did I say that out loud? I have a tendency to want to make him do everything the way I do it, because I think my way is right...if I didn't think that, I wouldn't be doing it that way, right?...I had no way of knowing what I would be like married until I got married...but I guess I should've known that I would be somewhat of a control freak. I like everything in it's spot. I am a very methodical person. I do things with very particular reasons for doing them the way I do them, and things that my husband does or doesn't do just do not make sense to me.
Like, the other day, he made his lunch and he put his 'naked' sandwich right into his lunchpail without being in a baggie, I wouldn'd dream of such things. Silly, huh? Why am I sweating the small stuff? I wanted so badly to put it in a baggie and go on and on about it for ever, but this time at least, I let it go...you can see I am still appalled about it though, as I am now bringing it up once again. Why does it bother me? It's not my sandwich...I really don't understand it myself.
Proverbs 14:1 says that "a wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." I feel so convicted...I major on the minors all the time. The thought occurred to me today that I need to know how to build up my son as well, I need to learn how to build up my husband and that will help my son as well.
It's all about the words submission and respect. That is what the word of God calls us to do as wives. That is what our husbands need. I realized today how I have failed terribly in this area and I was undone. I realized that I was so afraid to put myself in the "power" of someone else, but realized too, that I am not in my husband's hands so much as I am in my Heavenly Father's hands. I do not like the idea of submitting. Of course, I do it everyday without a thought...why is it so much harder to submit to my husband than the rules of the road, or my boss at work, or the government, etcetera? Why does he garner so much less respect than the man down the street that doesn't have to put up with me everyday? It really does not make sense why we kick against this concept in our marriages, but don't have a problem with it elsewhere in our lives.
God knows how this marriage thing is to work, after all, it is His idea. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight."
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