I just came back from a Bible study by Beth Moore on "Believing God". The thing that struck me tonight even before we got into the video portion of our Bible study was the seven woman that surrounded me there as we sat in a circle. Each one stunningly beautiful! it was their outsides as seen in their eyes and their smiles, their sweet spirits. Each one in a different place or season in their life. Each one at different ages. Each one with something to bring to the others. Their honesty, their heart, their encouragement for the others. Each one listening to the others with rapt interest. Each one sharing from their hearts. Each one authentic.
Some of the questions we talked about? Where do you go when you are stressed? We used a bike for an analogy...do you ride your bike home and say "no more"? Do you careen down the hill like a bat out of hell to race away from the difficulties and the pain? Do you hide under the covers and hope it will all go away? Do you yell and scream at the ones you love because they will take it? Do you talk things out in a sensible manner and then everything is okay? What movie would your life parallel? Which character is most like you and why? Which one of the seven dwarfs are you? It sort of sounds silly to relay these things, but it was cool. It was connection. It was getting past the facades that we all carry and allowing others to see us for who we really are. We so need that in our world today. To be known. To be understood. To be loved for who we are and for who are not.
I looked at each woman there...many, many different life experiences represented there. Much wisdom. Much pain. Big hearts. One lost her son when he was seventeen years old. Another is going through putting her husband in a home due to his violence after declining very quickly with Alzheimer's and another's mother's companion just commit suicide at 72 last week. Still another just had a baby several months ago and another just adopted a baby almost a year ago.
I was amazed at the beauty...both inside and out. I was amazed by the poignant questions and the funny, heart wrenching, and heart felt answers. Each one was beautiful and each one showed different measures of grace. Of concern. Of wanting to go deeper and understand each other, ourselves and our God.
I left with the hope that I too can be full of love like that. Full of grace to offer to not just some, but all, freely as God does. I left with the desire to understand my God better and to see His beauty even more. To open my heart and not just observe from the outside, not be afraid to enter, even if it means getting hurt. "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Alfred Tennyson.
We are all unique and yet we have so much in common if we take the time to look. We are all human at our core with many of the same needs, the same insecurities, the same frustrations, the same need to understand and be understood. The same need to be accepted and loved.
I want to be who I really am without pretense, without shame, without apology. I want to share my authentic self and not be afraid to tell you who I really am out of fear of rejection, fear of being abandoned. Fear of not being understood. Fear of failure of not meeting up to your expectations. I want to be a gracious woman who loves hugely, who believes wholeheartedly, who is without pretension, who seeks to encourage and affirm, who fails and yet is able to forget others failures and forgive. One who is without guile. One who is approachable, warm, and light hearted. One who can laugh and then cry without apology. One who is who she says she is. These women inspire me and encourage me. Yes, I want to join the ranks of these beautiful women. I want to be a woman of beauty!
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