Is it really possible to learn not to be offended? We are so sensitive aren't we? Why are we so sensitive to offense? Someone doesn't say just the right thing, at the right time, in the right way and there we go holding an offense or holding a grudge. Is that really how Christ would walk this earth? Somehow I don't think so, there were so many people that didn't understand Him or the calling that He had on His life. So many people said things that He could've said, "That's it, I'm done with you people." So many people did things to mock, criticize, and beat Him and what did He do in response, He died for them so that they would have everlasting life! He said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Wow! Can I learn to respond in that way?
I am reminded of this topic just because I have had so many issues lately with friends that I have felt hurt by and then told them and then they were hurt by me and now we either don't talk or our friendship is strained. Is it worth it? When does one be true to themselves and be healthy and say the truth of what is on their mind and when does one let it go and extend grace to the one that hurt? I was reminded of how much I need the mind and heart of Christ to direct my steps. Sometimes I step out thinking I am doing the right thing and then it all blows up in my face! Other times I don't say anything and I think maybe I am just not being true to myself and being a chicken. The only way to know which one is the right option for that particular situation is to really ask God for wisdom and discernment. This seems to elude me everytime lately. Why isn't that my first reaction? I am also reminded on how we continously hurt each other in our selfishness and sinful nature. Someone may hurt me at this moment, but just wait a minute and I will probably do the same to them (knowingly or unknowingly- what doesn't seem like a big deal to me ends up being a big deal to them). Repairing relationships is not an easy task either. I have felt that. Everyone involved may say they are sorry, but the words don't get forgotten very easily. God is the redeemer though and those relationships can be repaired, but at what cost? The other question I think of is will the relationship go deeper if I say something. If all we do is fake that we are okay when we are not, then what? Don't we have a shallow friendship? Some friendships can handle it and some cannot. Some people can handle and some cannot. Also, how we tell the other person really matters as well.
But again, I think it goes back to not faking, but truly NOT being offended. God does not call us to wearing masks of self-protection or masks that portray to others what we are not...He calls us to authenticity, who I am on the inside is who I am on the outside. Who I am at home is the same as who I am in the world. What my family says about me is what others would also say about me, that my values remain the same in either place.
So, how do I not become easily offended? First, realize that my security is not in how someone else thinks of me. They can think what they want, but I am loved by my heavenly Father no matter what. Yes, I believe we are to learn from others and take the constructive criticism as a call to change in some areas, but it should not reach the core of our soul where we go into shame mode because of what the other person said. Secondly, realize that we are all sinners saved by grace. We will be hurt and we will hurt others, that is just part of being human and living on this earth. Thirdly, people hurt often because they are hurting. They need our love and compassion, not our judgement and rejection. They are the ones that need love even more! The ones that are hardest to love are the ones that need even more love to penetrate the walls of hurt.
If I really know who I am in the Father's eyes, why would I allow something that someone says or does to affect me so gravely? The real heart of the issue is that we really do not believe that God loves us that much. We are putting too much stock in what others think because deep down we fear that we are unlovable and defective somehow and when people judge us it brings all those feelings to the fore. The more we know of the love of God, the more we will truly be able to give it away without condition! I want that so much Lord! Pour out Your love upon me so that it seeps into every crack and crevice of who I am and fills up every void. I want to walk in such an assurance of Your love that nothing could separate me from Your love (most especially me). Lord, I want to truly be inoffendable- not just phony. No just appearing sweet on the outside, but seething on the inside, but truly at peace no matter what! This would be a miracle, but You are in the business of miracles, please do that miracle in me!
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