Well, I am another year older today. I can't hardly believe it- it's not really that big of a deal although last night I cried because I really am still hoping for a baby- a baby that we have birthed. We love our little Josiah who is now seven months already, but still wish for another baby. It would be nice if God blessed with pregnancy, it would be cheaper than adoption...and it would be cool to see what our baby would look like. I used to not want to go through labor, but now I see it as a priviledge! I have been reading the book called, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and how labor and delivery can go with very little medical intervention at home. How I wish to experience that and yet at my age I'm not sure anyone would allow me to have a baby at home. I still really want to experience breast feeding too, I kind of did it with Josiah, but I didn't produce much of my own milk and so I used a supplementer, which is a tube that you tape to your breast running to the nipple. It has a bottle that you fill with formula. It was cool to experience even a little of it though...
The one thing that has been on my mind a lot lately is that I always seem to be behind the eight ball. What I mean is that whatever stage of life I am in it is always behind everyone else my age. Most people my age have teenagers in the house, not little infants. When I was single, most of my friends had already been married and had children (and now some are even divorcing)...I guess I can be thankful for being a bit more mature? Not sure if I fit that description, but I ought to...So the people that I will find myself with are at least ten years younger than me, if not more. I sort of feel frumpy on top of it. I don't have a great figure, I am not fat, but neither am I thin or gorgeous like so many that go to the homegroup on Thursdays. Maybe it is all merely perception. It is hard to see myself as God wants me to see myself when I see everyone around me looking so stylish or beautiful. God you see my heart. You know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made! No matter what I think sometimes about myself, you don't think that way and you also don't see me the way some people see me...thank you! You love me with an everlasting love no matter how I look, what struggles I have, or where I mess up. You are faithful no matter what! Thank you! You will help me through this next season of life. You will help me to minister to others just as they will minister to me. You will help me to see someday why I am the late bloomer as some would say. God, only You know and only You understand...Thank you that I can trust my past, present, and future in Your loving, all powerful, capable hands. "Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your steps!"
Well, my blessing of a son is calling...
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Spell "RESPECT"
I have been listening to a book on tape regarding marriage. Yikes! I have failed the respect department of our marriage in a big way! My role is to respect the position that God gave him rather than everything that he does. Just like a soldier respects his Sargent or whoever is over him, so it is for the role of husband and wife. I may think sometimes that I am smarter or whatever or may wish that my husband was like this or that...but am I thinking of myself more highly than I ought? Probably. It has been too easy to pick him apart...he fails everyday, he messes up his words, he is not the most eloquent of men, he frequently does things that make no logical sense. So he gets up in the middle of the night and searches the internet at 2 a.m. and then 4 a.m., drinks coffee and wonders why he is tired all the time...He forgets all the time, sometimes literally five minutes ago, he loses things, he seems to wander, and how I wish that he would be the spiritual leader than I envision, but he is the one God has given and that I have chosen...it is up to me to encourage him to be all that God has called him to be. He often seems to be living way below his potential, content to relax...I get very frustrated and really do not know how to encourage, but one thing is for sure, my way of trying to get him motivated is not working. He needs respect above all else...
Respect means to esteem highly, to think more highly of him than of myself...wow, I have not done that...probably not since we have been married. I think I have been influenced by the world more than I even realize and mix my selfishness and sin in there and disrespect and lack of love is what you get. Marriage does not work well in that way of thinking...
I have one of the sweetest and most loving men I know though... and I take him for granted in a big way. Why do I always see all his faults? Why am I so quick to criticize and even sarcastically make fun of him? We are one! I am so clueless, so cruel in so many ways and I am hurting him as well as myself.
So, he just came home. I thought I would do well to respect him, I'm not sure if I did. It is harder to tell when you disagree I think...he says he is processing what our pastor said about Malachi 3:10,the verse about bringing in the whole tithe into the storehouse, test me in this says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." He thinks that the pastor is just trying to put more pressure on the men...I don't see it that way at all- because we are to be walking by faith and not by sight. True that is what we are supposed to be doing, but that is much easier said than true..."Take my yoke upon me and learn from me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." It's not about us working harder, which I believe my husband is getting all wrong, it is about believing that God will meet our needs according to His riches in glory...It is not easy, that is true, but it is still what God calls us to do. He likes to disagree without all the facts and he is not willing to get all the facts. It is much easier to assume that we know enough to make a judgement, but that is not true! How do I talk to him about this in a respectful way and yet still let him know that I disagree?
Respect is soooooo hard! I think it is much easier when the "king" wears robes and sits on a throne than when he is just like me...it is so much easier to respect someone when you are looking at them from a distance. Lord help me in this area...I know it is your way to respect him, I need your help in this holy spirit.
Respect means to esteem highly, to think more highly of him than of myself...wow, I have not done that...probably not since we have been married. I think I have been influenced by the world more than I even realize and mix my selfishness and sin in there and disrespect and lack of love is what you get. Marriage does not work well in that way of thinking...
I have one of the sweetest and most loving men I know though... and I take him for granted in a big way. Why do I always see all his faults? Why am I so quick to criticize and even sarcastically make fun of him? We are one! I am so clueless, so cruel in so many ways and I am hurting him as well as myself.
So, he just came home. I thought I would do well to respect him, I'm not sure if I did. It is harder to tell when you disagree I think...he says he is processing what our pastor said about Malachi 3:10,the verse about bringing in the whole tithe into the storehouse, test me in this says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." He thinks that the pastor is just trying to put more pressure on the men...I don't see it that way at all- because we are to be walking by faith and not by sight. True that is what we are supposed to be doing, but that is much easier said than true..."Take my yoke upon me and learn from me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." It's not about us working harder, which I believe my husband is getting all wrong, it is about believing that God will meet our needs according to His riches in glory...It is not easy, that is true, but it is still what God calls us to do. He likes to disagree without all the facts and he is not willing to get all the facts. It is much easier to assume that we know enough to make a judgement, but that is not true! How do I talk to him about this in a respectful way and yet still let him know that I disagree?
Respect is soooooo hard! I think it is much easier when the "king" wears robes and sits on a throne than when he is just like me...it is so much easier to respect someone when you are looking at them from a distance. Lord help me in this area...I know it is your way to respect him, I need your help in this holy spirit.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Why am I Avoiding Him?
Okay, so I've just spent the last hour scrolling through Facebook and toodling around the internet...I know my son is going to wake up any moment and yet and I have not actually talked to my Heavenly Father yet...why am I procrastinating? Am I avoiding Him? What is going on in my heart? I keep saying that I want to spend time with Him and yet when I have that time, I don't. Isn't that the true test? If not then why not? I don't understand it myself. My heart longs to meet with Him on one level and yet on another level I find myself avoiding Him...do I feel guilt, shame, fear, sadness, I can't put my finger on it...When I am at church or homegroup I feel God's presence so strongly I just want to stay there, but when I am home alone sometimes He seems so far away that it hurts. What is wrong with me I think to myself? How come I am not getting that there is nothing wrong with me? Why do I keep feeling this way Lord?
Lord, I am tired of seeking...and still left wanting. The whole concept of the abundant life- I want that and yet it seems so elusive...why do I struggle with this sense of meaningless? I so often feel like I am going through the motions of life in black and white when I so desperately long for the vivid colors of abundant life. You said that is why You came...then why is it so hard to find? What exactly would I consider abundant life anyway? What would it look like?
I have so much to be thankful for really- a husband who loves me, a son that I have prayed for, the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom, a beautiful home and yet I still struggle with hopelessness. My heart so longs for home. My eternal home and yet it is not time...I have things that You want me to accomplish here on this earth-
Still left wanting....what is that I am wanting? I'm not even sure myself, there is such discontentment in me...always looking for what I don't have..."Godliness with contentment is great gain", says God's word. I do well to remember this. I would do well to already know that I have everything that I need in Christ. He is enough. Just being with Him and He with me, "the lover of my soul", is enough. If it doesn't feel like it is then why not? Are you expecting too much from yourself, from other's and even from God. I mean God is able, I don't mean that, I mean are you not content to just be with Him, but always needing Him to do something extraordinary? Always needing something that you can't even put your finger on? Lord, help my discontentment, help me to find my satisfaction in you alone, to find my security in You alone. You are the reason I live, you bring meaning to my life! Help me to see what you see, to live this life fully functioning in the call that you have on me...help me not to wander in the darkness of despair, self-pity, hopelessness- you are my only hope!
Lord, I am tired of seeking...and still left wanting. The whole concept of the abundant life- I want that and yet it seems so elusive...why do I struggle with this sense of meaningless? I so often feel like I am going through the motions of life in black and white when I so desperately long for the vivid colors of abundant life. You said that is why You came...then why is it so hard to find? What exactly would I consider abundant life anyway? What would it look like?
I have so much to be thankful for really- a husband who loves me, a son that I have prayed for, the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom, a beautiful home and yet I still struggle with hopelessness. My heart so longs for home. My eternal home and yet it is not time...I have things that You want me to accomplish here on this earth-
Still left wanting....what is that I am wanting? I'm not even sure myself, there is such discontentment in me...always looking for what I don't have..."Godliness with contentment is great gain", says God's word. I do well to remember this. I would do well to already know that I have everything that I need in Christ. He is enough. Just being with Him and He with me, "the lover of my soul", is enough. If it doesn't feel like it is then why not? Are you expecting too much from yourself, from other's and even from God. I mean God is able, I don't mean that, I mean are you not content to just be with Him, but always needing Him to do something extraordinary? Always needing something that you can't even put your finger on? Lord, help my discontentment, help me to find my satisfaction in you alone, to find my security in You alone. You are the reason I live, you bring meaning to my life! Help me to see what you see, to live this life fully functioning in the call that you have on me...help me not to wander in the darkness of despair, self-pity, hopelessness- you are my only hope!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Time with My Father
As I sit with you Lord, I dream of what could be. I dream of what my life would look like if I was completely given over to you in my thoughts, my dreams, my attitudes, in my day to dayness of life. As Jesus said, "I do nothing except what my Father tells me to do." Lord, I want to be like that. I want to receive the daily manna of your voice...I want and even more importantly need to hear from you regarding everything in my life. I say "my life", but maybe that is part of the problem, I am too convinced that this is my "my life." Have I not given my life over to you? Have I really died to myself, my dreams, my habits, my addictions, my rights, etcetera? I am so busy living "my life", that I have forgotten that I have given my life to you. I want so much to lose myself, to live with the power and the peace that comes from living in your presence moment by moment...how do I do that and still live in this world. Wherever I go, because you are in me, you go too. "Christ in me, the hope of glory." I want others to see you, not me. At homegroup last night I was reminded that my sin is no longer a barrier to my relationship with Christ, why? Because it was taken care of at the cross once and for all! Do I really believe that? Do I really think that I can come boldly into the throne of grace? Do I really believe that I can approach the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords and that he receives me? He does! That is what is so amazing...talk about good news!!! Do I really get that God's Word truly is good news? If not, then I have to ask myself "Why not?"
Our discussion last night was about how the Kingdom of Heaven, the Kingdom of God should be where we live here on this earth. That should be our "normal." But we often go in search of that rush, that high that we get with God when we go to an anointed church service, or in worship, or in a meeting somewhere that again reminds us of what we could have...we are like druggies looking for our next high- shouldn't we be practicing the presence of God at this moment...and at every moment? Shouldn't that make a difference in how we react, respond, and live our daily life? Are we any different from the world if we keep seeking after the experience rather than a moment by moment encounter with our Father God? Are we more addicted to the goose bumps or to the true, unadulturated love that the Father has for His own? Our normal ends up being just like everyone else's- scraping by with snippets of true life and love- we survive the day, we can't wait for Friday, we struggle through the meaning of what we are doing day to day in our jobs, our mundane life and wonder what is this all about. How did Jesus walk in the mundaness of his day when He was truly God and had the divine power to do anything He wanted and yet..."did not consider eqaulity with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant..." Wow, He could do anything He wanted, but chose instead to submit Himself to the Father minute by minute and He found fulfillment there. He knew His purpose on this earth. He was not here to make a name for Himself or to prove to everyone who He really was- He was so secure in His purpose, so secure in who He really was that He didn't have to prove anything to anyone...
Wow, if we could get that- we have nothing to prove to anyone. Not to ourselves or anyone else- we already know who we are- the beloved of the Father. Do we really, really believe that? God made us the way He chose to make us and He is pleased with what He has made...are we perfect, no, but God knows that we are dust. He knows us and sees us and loves us anyway...The only thing that separates me from my security and destiny in God is me- my own perceptions. My view of God is skewed...it is an idol of my own making, not who God really is. God is love. He is not capable of anything else. Yes, He calls us to live holy lives but as it says in Galatians, "Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh." and, "Are you so foolish? After beginning in the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" We are to continuously live dependent on the Spirit of the living God- that is how God designed us. We so often though think we can now do it on our own. We get mad at ourselves when we fail- but we were never meant to live a godly life apart from God Himself- He is the one who empowers us...It is Him and only Him that will give us the sustaining power to live as He calls us to live. "He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You." Our perfect peace only comes from walking with Him minute by minute, day by day. In the New Testament you rarely, if ever, see Jesus flustered by the needs of people, nor of their sin, etcetera. He did become angry at the buying and selling in His Father's house. He knew what He was called to do every moment of His life because He listened to His Father. He was not afraid of death as He knew that is what He came to this earth to do...He came to conquer death by dying and then raising to life and giving death it's final blow! Satan wanted to snuff out the image bearers of God through death and God had a plan that would not be easy, but would thwart the plan of satan. We would no longer have to fear death as we who are His own will have eternal life in communion with Him!
Why is that we come before God with such great expectations? Well, maybe because He is God and everything He does is grand. Are we ever content to just be with Him, with no expectations? Do we always have to expect Him to do something? God is not our servant, we are His. Yes, He loves us and jsut as we want to bless our earthly children, how much more does He want to bless us? But even still, He is God and we are not. He always knows what is best, just as we know what is best for our children. How true Lord, deliver us from that need to have You prove Yourself to us. You are God, period. You don't have to do things our way.
Are we "being" born again. It is not a once and for all kind of thing...it is a continual process. Being implies ongoing...our mind set is to continually be changed in His presence. The continous process of having our minds renewed. We are to set our minds on things above, not on things of the earth...Are we truly living that way? Are we more concerned about what I will get for Christmas, how I'm going to pay my bills, I need time to clean the house, how am I going to get all my work done, etcetera? We are in the world, but not of it. How does that really play out in our lives? Do we walk each day in a peace that our Father has our back? No matter what comes our way do we believe that He knows and He is with us? Do we really believe that He will make all things work together for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose?
The mundaness of life can send us spiraling down to the depth of our soul almost as much as pain can send us to our knees asking "Why?" So many days we struggle with the real meaning of our lives, the real purpose of doing things over and over again...does God allow this to bring us to a place of holy dissatisfaction so that we will search for Him. One moment, one day without the presence of God is meaningless...Do you dare to believe that God is who He says He is? And if He is, wouldn't that radically change our lives if we would totally believe that God is romancing us, wooing us into His presence, not so that He can condemn us or judge us or tell us who we are not, but so that He could love us so completely that we would not have to look anywhere else of that love that we all are in search of and so that our lives would be so obviously radically different that we would actually enjoy the journey that He put us on this earth for. Have you ever heard that saying, "Smile, it will give people a reason to wonder?" Wherever we go, we bring the life of God, the peace of God, the hope of God, the wisdom of God, whatever He is, we are because we are not only made in His image, but we are given over to Him completely that He would live through us. We still look like us, in our uniqueness, the way He made us. "I have come that you might have life and life more abundantly!" How do we live out that abundant life that He offers us- by giving ourselves totally to Him. How do we give ourselves totally to Him? By listening for Him, hearing Him, submitting to Him and allowing "Christ in me the hope of glory" to shine through. Allow the Heaven to come down to earth by allowing God to show up wherever you find yourself then the values of the Kingdom of God will come to bear in that meeting, in that family, in your household, raising your children, wherever you find yourself, if you allow Him, He will be there!
Our discussion last night was about how the Kingdom of Heaven, the Kingdom of God should be where we live here on this earth. That should be our "normal." But we often go in search of that rush, that high that we get with God when we go to an anointed church service, or in worship, or in a meeting somewhere that again reminds us of what we could have...we are like druggies looking for our next high- shouldn't we be practicing the presence of God at this moment...and at every moment? Shouldn't that make a difference in how we react, respond, and live our daily life? Are we any different from the world if we keep seeking after the experience rather than a moment by moment encounter with our Father God? Are we more addicted to the goose bumps or to the true, unadulturated love that the Father has for His own? Our normal ends up being just like everyone else's- scraping by with snippets of true life and love- we survive the day, we can't wait for Friday, we struggle through the meaning of what we are doing day to day in our jobs, our mundane life and wonder what is this all about. How did Jesus walk in the mundaness of his day when He was truly God and had the divine power to do anything He wanted and yet..."did not consider eqaulity with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant..." Wow, He could do anything He wanted, but chose instead to submit Himself to the Father minute by minute and He found fulfillment there. He knew His purpose on this earth. He was not here to make a name for Himself or to prove to everyone who He really was- He was so secure in His purpose, so secure in who He really was that He didn't have to prove anything to anyone...
Wow, if we could get that- we have nothing to prove to anyone. Not to ourselves or anyone else- we already know who we are- the beloved of the Father. Do we really, really believe that? God made us the way He chose to make us and He is pleased with what He has made...are we perfect, no, but God knows that we are dust. He knows us and sees us and loves us anyway...The only thing that separates me from my security and destiny in God is me- my own perceptions. My view of God is skewed...it is an idol of my own making, not who God really is. God is love. He is not capable of anything else. Yes, He calls us to live holy lives but as it says in Galatians, "Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh." and, "Are you so foolish? After beginning in the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?" We are to continuously live dependent on the Spirit of the living God- that is how God designed us. We so often though think we can now do it on our own. We get mad at ourselves when we fail- but we were never meant to live a godly life apart from God Himself- He is the one who empowers us...It is Him and only Him that will give us the sustaining power to live as He calls us to live. "He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You." Our perfect peace only comes from walking with Him minute by minute, day by day. In the New Testament you rarely, if ever, see Jesus flustered by the needs of people, nor of their sin, etcetera. He did become angry at the buying and selling in His Father's house. He knew what He was called to do every moment of His life because He listened to His Father. He was not afraid of death as He knew that is what He came to this earth to do...He came to conquer death by dying and then raising to life and giving death it's final blow! Satan wanted to snuff out the image bearers of God through death and God had a plan that would not be easy, but would thwart the plan of satan. We would no longer have to fear death as we who are His own will have eternal life in communion with Him!
Why is that we come before God with such great expectations? Well, maybe because He is God and everything He does is grand. Are we ever content to just be with Him, with no expectations? Do we always have to expect Him to do something? God is not our servant, we are His. Yes, He loves us and jsut as we want to bless our earthly children, how much more does He want to bless us? But even still, He is God and we are not. He always knows what is best, just as we know what is best for our children. How true Lord, deliver us from that need to have You prove Yourself to us. You are God, period. You don't have to do things our way.
Are we "being" born again. It is not a once and for all kind of thing...it is a continual process. Being implies ongoing...our mind set is to continually be changed in His presence. The continous process of having our minds renewed. We are to set our minds on things above, not on things of the earth...Are we truly living that way? Are we more concerned about what I will get for Christmas, how I'm going to pay my bills, I need time to clean the house, how am I going to get all my work done, etcetera? We are in the world, but not of it. How does that really play out in our lives? Do we walk each day in a peace that our Father has our back? No matter what comes our way do we believe that He knows and He is with us? Do we really believe that He will make all things work together for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose?
The mundaness of life can send us spiraling down to the depth of our soul almost as much as pain can send us to our knees asking "Why?" So many days we struggle with the real meaning of our lives, the real purpose of doing things over and over again...does God allow this to bring us to a place of holy dissatisfaction so that we will search for Him. One moment, one day without the presence of God is meaningless...Do you dare to believe that God is who He says He is? And if He is, wouldn't that radically change our lives if we would totally believe that God is romancing us, wooing us into His presence, not so that He can condemn us or judge us or tell us who we are not, but so that He could love us so completely that we would not have to look anywhere else of that love that we all are in search of and so that our lives would be so obviously radically different that we would actually enjoy the journey that He put us on this earth for. Have you ever heard that saying, "Smile, it will give people a reason to wonder?" Wherever we go, we bring the life of God, the peace of God, the hope of God, the wisdom of God, whatever He is, we are because we are not only made in His image, but we are given over to Him completely that He would live through us. We still look like us, in our uniqueness, the way He made us. "I have come that you might have life and life more abundantly!" How do we live out that abundant life that He offers us- by giving ourselves totally to Him. How do we give ourselves totally to Him? By listening for Him, hearing Him, submitting to Him and allowing "Christ in me the hope of glory" to shine through. Allow the Heaven to come down to earth by allowing God to show up wherever you find yourself then the values of the Kingdom of God will come to bear in that meeting, in that family, in your household, raising your children, wherever you find yourself, if you allow Him, He will be there!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Abortion
I saw pictures today that I could not believe...I saw babies body parts torn to bits. I saw piles of babies in trash cans. I saw heads that were severed off of their bodies. I saw burned, blackened tiny bodies that were left alone to die. How can a civilized nation perform such heinous evils? I do not understand how anyone could even be a part of something so inhumane. We humans are capable of so much good and so much evil. It is another deception of the highest order. How can so many so called smart people be a part of this.
Choice. An interesting word don't you think? It implies that one can pick this or that...The abortion agenda touts that woman are to have free choice, but at whose expense? Is it ever okay to choose something that will take another's choice away? Is it okay to murder someone because that person made us mad or got in our way, inconvenienced us in some way? Every choice that I make has an action and a reaction. My actions affect others. Why is it okay to annihilate innocent babies in the wound, a voiceless generation so that no one will know we were pregnant or had sex before marriage- all to hide our sin or to eliminate something that gets in our way. Does that baby have a choice? Its okay to torture and kill the ones that cannot defend themselves, no one will know? How can this practice be legal while literally killing my neighbor would put in prison even if I killed him in self defense. This makes no logical sense! I do not understand how the country can be okay with this. Do they really know the truth of this practice, it's horrendous, heinous acts? Are we so called smart people that deceived?
I think of our son that we adopted- his birthmother chose life this time. He could have been aborted. We would not have been blessed with his precious life. We are so grateful for him. His birthmother had two therapeutic abortions in the past, he too could have been found blue in a trash can somewhere. This holocaust continues due to our selfishness. These atrocities take place every day all over our country because people either don't know the truth or they don't care to know the truth. Someone actually wrote that they were disgusted that someone posted these gruesome, but truthful pictures on Facebook even more than they were disgusted at the fact that these actually go on...wow! God help us. Have mercy on us! Children are a blessing from the Lord, not something to be thrown away!
Choice. An interesting word don't you think? It implies that one can pick this or that...The abortion agenda touts that woman are to have free choice, but at whose expense? Is it ever okay to choose something that will take another's choice away? Is it okay to murder someone because that person made us mad or got in our way, inconvenienced us in some way? Every choice that I make has an action and a reaction. My actions affect others. Why is it okay to annihilate innocent babies in the wound, a voiceless generation so that no one will know we were pregnant or had sex before marriage- all to hide our sin or to eliminate something that gets in our way. Does that baby have a choice? Its okay to torture and kill the ones that cannot defend themselves, no one will know? How can this practice be legal while literally killing my neighbor would put in prison even if I killed him in self defense. This makes no logical sense! I do not understand how the country can be okay with this. Do they really know the truth of this practice, it's horrendous, heinous acts? Are we so called smart people that deceived?
I think of our son that we adopted- his birthmother chose life this time. He could have been aborted. We would not have been blessed with his precious life. We are so grateful for him. His birthmother had two therapeutic abortions in the past, he too could have been found blue in a trash can somewhere. This holocaust continues due to our selfishness. These atrocities take place every day all over our country because people either don't know the truth or they don't care to know the truth. Someone actually wrote that they were disgusted that someone posted these gruesome, but truthful pictures on Facebook even more than they were disgusted at the fact that these actually go on...wow! God help us. Have mercy on us! Children are a blessing from the Lord, not something to be thrown away!
Making sense of difficult topics
Wow, so many thoughts on my mind...I just found a friend of mine, a nurse who has cared for a transgendered person that I also took care of a few years back. I don't know what I think about all of it. I do not believe that God would create us male and female with our unique DNA so that we would become something other than what he created. I cannot imagine being in such a place as having such an identity crisis of that magnitude. Each one of us are on our own journey. We were all created with a sense of something missing, a void. We are all on a quest to find our identity. This plays out in all of us in such different ways. I believe so many of the things that we do, don't do, the things that get us into trouble, even our pursuit of success, all of these are frequently tied into our search for our identity. This may include our addictions, our sins, our failures, our relationship problems, our quirks, I could go on and on....The problem that I see though is that often we are searching for our identity apart from the God who created us in our inmost beings. We cannot find our identity apart from God. He is the one that created us and instilled within us desires, hopes, dreams, plans, etcetera. We go off into crazy directions when we search for our identity without that realization. I do not believe we can ever be at peace with ourselves when we choose that which is not God's highest and best for us. I do not believe that God would create someone who was physically a different sex than what they created them to be. How does one understand this whole thing? I believe that this is a deviant lifestyle, but I also believe that God loves and knows the heart of everyone. He knows where we came from and where we are going. He knows our hurts, our fears, our failures, as well as our hopes, our dreams, and the call that He has for us. Will we try to make sense of God by our experiences and what we are able to understand or will we try and understand ourselves in the light of God's infinite understanding and love? I do not believe that we are to rationalize our behaviors or negate the truths of God's Word because our experience does not match up. I find myself asking why instead. God is able to handle an honest question like that. I believe that we can all learn from one another, no matter where we come from or what we have in common or not. He does allow people in our path, maybe it is to challenge our thinking and I love to have my thinking challenged and maybe it is to solidify even more clearly what and why we believe.
I believe each of us at the core of our being is searching for understanding, searching for unconditional love and acceptance. The thing is, I do not believe that we will ever have that in a person. No one can ever love us that fully, that completely, that thoroughly, as God himself. He knows us through and through, as he created us and is with us for our entire lives (20,30,75 years and actually for all eternity) and still loves us inspite of us and because of us. But, he does not love us with a sloppy love, but a very deliberate love. Love hurts, no doubt, just as Christ died on the cross- it was not a feel good kind of love, but rather a laying down of one's life to save another. God's love is unconditional and yet eternal life is conditional. Yikes, some will not agree with me on this point, but, read the Bible yourself and see that God calls us to do many things... "Call on the Lord and you shall be saved." "Take up your cross and follow me." "Forgive and you shall be forgiven."
A friend of mine and I were talking about so many things today. This whole homosexual militancy. Why is it that I am required to accept homosexuality and why do many of this community think it is socially acceptable to do things (like ride bikes down the street in a parade with nothing on) that we as heterosexuals could not do or we would be arrested for indecent exposure. Why are we thought to be intolerant and yet they are intolerant of those who do not agree with them? Why would they want to identify themselves merely by their sexual preference? Don't they have other things that would define them such as artists, nurses, writers, business owners, etcetera...When I think of the gay parade I think well maybe I should go down the street and wear a tshirt that says, "I love my husband." I don't understand this thinking at all. There is more to each of these folks than merely who they go to bed with each night. If someone asked me what I thought about gay people I would agree with my friend today who said, "Which ones?" There are creepy gay people and there are creepy straight people. There are nice gay people and there are nice straight people. It has more to do with the particular people than it does with their sexual orientation. I had a friend named Mac when I was in my 20s- he told me he was gay and he was with his boyfriend Phillip- I didn't agree with their lifestyle, but I would not preach to them all the time. I liked them actually. I think it is important to love them, but that does not mean that I need to agree with them either.
Lord, our identity can only be found in you! Please direct my steps to you. To know your love for me. The hope that you have for me. You love me enough not to keep me where I am. Teach Your truth and give me an undivided heart that I may fear Your name and when I see others whether transgendered, homosexual, had an abortion, has tatoos and body piercings all over, been a prostitute, or some filthy rich person, whatever they are and wherever they have been, let me love as you would love. Let me love them in such a way that they could not deny the truth, let me be so filled with your love that it would overflow to all that would come in contact with me...
I believe each of us at the core of our being is searching for understanding, searching for unconditional love and acceptance. The thing is, I do not believe that we will ever have that in a person. No one can ever love us that fully, that completely, that thoroughly, as God himself. He knows us through and through, as he created us and is with us for our entire lives (20,30,75 years and actually for all eternity) and still loves us inspite of us and because of us. But, he does not love us with a sloppy love, but a very deliberate love. Love hurts, no doubt, just as Christ died on the cross- it was not a feel good kind of love, but rather a laying down of one's life to save another. God's love is unconditional and yet eternal life is conditional. Yikes, some will not agree with me on this point, but, read the Bible yourself and see that God calls us to do many things... "Call on the Lord and you shall be saved." "Take up your cross and follow me." "Forgive and you shall be forgiven."
A friend of mine and I were talking about so many things today. This whole homosexual militancy. Why is it that I am required to accept homosexuality and why do many of this community think it is socially acceptable to do things (like ride bikes down the street in a parade with nothing on) that we as heterosexuals could not do or we would be arrested for indecent exposure. Why are we thought to be intolerant and yet they are intolerant of those who do not agree with them? Why would they want to identify themselves merely by their sexual preference? Don't they have other things that would define them such as artists, nurses, writers, business owners, etcetera...When I think of the gay parade I think well maybe I should go down the street and wear a tshirt that says, "I love my husband." I don't understand this thinking at all. There is more to each of these folks than merely who they go to bed with each night. If someone asked me what I thought about gay people I would agree with my friend today who said, "Which ones?" There are creepy gay people and there are creepy straight people. There are nice gay people and there are nice straight people. It has more to do with the particular people than it does with their sexual orientation. I had a friend named Mac when I was in my 20s- he told me he was gay and he was with his boyfriend Phillip- I didn't agree with their lifestyle, but I would not preach to them all the time. I liked them actually. I think it is important to love them, but that does not mean that I need to agree with them either.
Lord, our identity can only be found in you! Please direct my steps to you. To know your love for me. The hope that you have for me. You love me enough not to keep me where I am. Teach Your truth and give me an undivided heart that I may fear Your name and when I see others whether transgendered, homosexual, had an abortion, has tatoos and body piercings all over, been a prostitute, or some filthy rich person, whatever they are and wherever they have been, let me love as you would love. Let me love them in such a way that they could not deny the truth, let me be so filled with your love that it would overflow to all that would come in contact with me...
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sex trade in the United States
So the other day I picked up a random book off the library shelf. They have a shelf with new books and I always peruse it every time I am there...I sometimes read books that I would not normally find except that they are obviously there on the shelf. This last time I picked up this book called, Renting Lacy. It is a book that talks about how prevalent the sex trade is in America, right here under our noses. Many of us are minding our business and in our neighborhoods, our state, and all across our country are girls being abducted and then being brain washed and manipulated by the pimps who pose as their boyfriends and their savior out of dysfunctional situations. Many of these girls have already experienced abuse from the hands of supposed loving family members- sexually and physically so they almost expect this kind of abuse...
I am flabbergasted at how much of a demand there is for prostitutes, I think I read 100,000 per year. I am appalled at how many of our young girls are being mugged, manipulated, and molested in order to get them to comply...I cannot believe that there are men who want them as young as possible all the while they have their wives and children waiting for them at home. They go to a conference in another city and this is the kind of behavior that many engage in....it is too much to fathom and to believe. I cannot understand how anyone can justify this kind of behavior. I cannot understand that anyone can look down upon the girls and then be a part of this is any way. The girls are the victims and yet the "johns" or the buyers or the pimps get off scott free. It is astounding that all of this happens in a the "home of the free and the brave...." and not only here, but all around the world.
It is abolutely demonic! There is no other way to explain the magnitude of this evil! Why do we allow ourselves to be duped into such evil? Are we that blind? And we who point fingers at the women who are being used and victimized and not even realizing that the demand is what drives this whole thing- and wherever there is demand, there is the possibility of a lot of money...which means there will be exploitation...They are dying in their souls, used up, hurting, lost, unloved, zombies really...they don't even fit back into society...they need our love, not our disdain...It reminds me of when Jesus met with the woman who was an adultress..."he who is without sin, pick up the first stone...and where are your accusers?" The guy wasn't even being stoned- why is that? Why is there no true justice? Lord, have mercy on us. Lord, have mercy on those girls caught in Satan's trap and they don't know how to get out...please help them, save them and redeem their life from the pit...
I am flabbergasted at how much of a demand there is for prostitutes, I think I read 100,000 per year. I am appalled at how many of our young girls are being mugged, manipulated, and molested in order to get them to comply...I cannot believe that there are men who want them as young as possible all the while they have their wives and children waiting for them at home. They go to a conference in another city and this is the kind of behavior that many engage in....it is too much to fathom and to believe. I cannot understand how anyone can justify this kind of behavior. I cannot understand that anyone can look down upon the girls and then be a part of this is any way. The girls are the victims and yet the "johns" or the buyers or the pimps get off scott free. It is astounding that all of this happens in a the "home of the free and the brave...." and not only here, but all around the world.
It is abolutely demonic! There is no other way to explain the magnitude of this evil! Why do we allow ourselves to be duped into such evil? Are we that blind? And we who point fingers at the women who are being used and victimized and not even realizing that the demand is what drives this whole thing- and wherever there is demand, there is the possibility of a lot of money...which means there will be exploitation...They are dying in their souls, used up, hurting, lost, unloved, zombies really...they don't even fit back into society...they need our love, not our disdain...It reminds me of when Jesus met with the woman who was an adultress..."he who is without sin, pick up the first stone...and where are your accusers?" The guy wasn't even being stoned- why is that? Why is there no true justice? Lord, have mercy on us. Lord, have mercy on those girls caught in Satan's trap and they don't know how to get out...please help them, save them and redeem their life from the pit...
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