We are not as Strong as we Think we are...

Welcome, this blog has random thoughts about living life...please feel free to leave your thoughts, I'd love to hear them!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!

Well, I am another year older today.  I can't hardly believe it- it's not really that big of a deal although last night I cried because I really am still hoping for a baby- a baby that we have birthed.  We love our little Josiah who is now seven months already, but still wish for another baby.  It would be nice if God blessed with pregnancy, it would be cheaper than adoption...and it would be cool to see what our baby would look like.  I used to not want to go through labor, but now I see it as a priviledge!  I have been reading the book called, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and how labor and delivery can go with very little medical intervention at home.  How I wish to experience that and yet at my age I'm not sure anyone would allow me to have a baby at home.  I still really want to experience breast feeding too, I kind of did it with Josiah, but I didn't produce much of my own milk and so I used a supplementer, which is a tube that you tape to your breast running to the nipple.  It has a bottle that you fill with formula.  It was cool to experience even a little of it though...

The one thing that has been on my mind a lot lately is that I always seem to be behind the eight ball.  What I mean is that whatever stage of life I am in it is always behind everyone else my age.  Most people my age have teenagers in the house, not little infants.  When I was single, most of my friends had already been married and had children (and now some are even divorcing)...I guess I can be thankful for being a bit more mature?  Not sure if I fit that description, but I ought to...So the people that I will find myself with are at least ten years younger than me, if not more.  I sort of feel frumpy on top of it.  I don't have a great figure, I am not fat, but neither am I thin or gorgeous like so many that go to the homegroup on Thursdays.  Maybe it is all merely perception.  It is hard to see myself as God wants  me to see myself when I see everyone around me looking so stylish or beautiful.  God you see my heart.  You know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  No matter what I think sometimes about myself, you don't think that way and you also don't see me the way some people see me...thank you!  You love me with an everlasting love no matter how I look, what struggles I have, or where I mess up.  You are faithful no matter what!  Thank you!  You will help me through this next season of life.  You will help me to minister to others just as they will minister to me.  You will help me to see someday why I am the late bloomer as some would say.  God, only You know and only You understand...Thank you that I can trust my past, present, and future in Your loving, all powerful, capable hands.  "Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your steps!"

Well, my blessing of a son is calling...

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