Jesus you are so loving, kind, and so patient with many of my silly ideas...but you don't even see them that way because you know they are leading me to your very heart, getting closer...
At home group tonight we talked about the whole concept of God erasing the lines...we have these unspoken lines, every one of us has them and it is not until we are pushed over them through trials...that we even know that they are there. Those things that we can't handle, the "last straw" so to speak- whether we get upset with others or with God. Those areas that we are judging ourselves we are also judging others. The trials that James talks about are not from God, but rather from just living life, our own choices, or even satan...God uses the testing of our faith...to deepen our trust in Him if we come to Him in the midst of them..."Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Wow, what a concept, to not lack anything...James continues on..."If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt." God gives irregardless of where we are at, the only thing is is that we have to believe and not doubt. Wow, that is truly a work of the Holy Spirit...how can we not doubt when we are going through really hard things? We come to God, we ask for more of the power of the Holy Spirit, we cannot do it without him! He is not looking for fault in us, it is us that is seeing our faults and then shrinking back believing that we are not good enough to come to Him in the first place because of our sin, our failures, etcetera...Also, He does not say that the thing we are going through is joyous, He is saying to consider it joy- only because we trust that God can make something good come out of something ugly and difficult.
Last week I was thinking how my thoughts of God are actually idolatrous because they are not true representations of who He really is...but as Dave pointed out to me, that does not bother God...all He cares about is that I come to Him. It is not doing Him a disservice because my thoughts about Him are inaccurate...it does me the disservice and I will not live in the freedom that He has for me, I will not be in the fullness of who He is. We are all on a journey though...some live in greater levels of freedom than others, but we are all on that road and we are getting closer. God accepts us exactly where we are- He knows why we are there and He keeps calling us to come closer, to go deeper, to bring all of who we are, all our worries, our fears, our crap and lay it at His feet, He understands it all and still receives us and accepts us. Why is that concept so hard to get? We all carry a picture of our Father God from our growing up...sometimes we need to see the truth and live it even though it doesn't feel like it is the truth, maybe pretend that it is and it will prove itself in time...this whole journey is not about expecting more from me, not about me doing more, or putting myself in crazy gyrations so I can be closer, it is the work of the Holy Spirit. I just need to make myself more available..."More Lord!"
Our relationships frequently don't go well because we have a right or wrong thinking. If I am right, then you are wrong and vica versa...no, we are different because God made us that way...we need to pray and ask God to show us how He delights in that other person and ask Him to help us see them the way He does, that we too would delight in them so we can come to a place of respecting their differences, it is really an issue of faith and trusting in God. It is not for us to demand that others must be like me...we are all unique, just the way that God created us and we are different for a reason, seek the power of the Holy Spirit to remember that God intentionally made him (let's say my husband), and he intentionally made me.
We can become disillusioned when our life does not match up with our vision of what the promise of an "abundant life" looks like. The funny thing is that we get hung up on that, but we forget that God is God and that the abundant life is not defined by me, but by God. Who knows what the abundant life really looks like in the spirit? Will I trust Him to provide that for me? Will I trust that He is truly good? Why do I have such a hard time receiving what I have been given? My vision of my life doesn't always match up with what really is...when we butt up against what God's call and will for my life are not matching up with everything I think it should be then what am I left with? Bitterness and resentment, the exact opposite of an abundant life. How about accepting and receiving what He gives to me, trust Him that He knows the needs, the wants, the dreams of my heart...how about I stop fighting with Him and begin receiving?
Just imagine, I mean really imagine if God were truly all that you thought He was, that He was as good as you could ever imagine and then some, how would that radically change your life? Would that change how you see yourself? How about others? How about how you live your life? He is that! He is all that and more!!! I want all that You have for me Father! I want you to meet with me so that I can be changed into a new woman, a woman of grace, truth, and love. For the greatest of these is love! It's not about success or failure, it's about being with you and knowing your 100% acceptance of me just as I am! If I could get a glimmer of this in the depths of my spirit, I would be a changed woman. 1 Samuel 10:6-7 "The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you in power, and you will prophesy with them; and you will be changed into a different person. Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you."
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