Is it really possible to learn not to be offended? We are so sensitive aren't we? Why are we so sensitive to offense? Someone doesn't say just the right thing, at the right time, in the right way and there we go holding an offense or holding a grudge. Is that really how Christ would walk this earth? Somehow I don't think so, there were so many people that didn't understand Him or the calling that He had on His life. So many people said things that He could've said, "That's it, I'm done with you people." So many people did things to mock, criticize, and beat Him and what did He do in response, He died for them so that they would have everlasting life! He said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Wow! Can I learn to respond in that way?
I am reminded of this topic just because I have had so many issues lately with friends that I have felt hurt by and then told them and then they were hurt by me and now we either don't talk or our friendship is strained. Is it worth it? When does one be true to themselves and be healthy and say the truth of what is on their mind and when does one let it go and extend grace to the one that hurt? I was reminded of how much I need the mind and heart of Christ to direct my steps. Sometimes I step out thinking I am doing the right thing and then it all blows up in my face! Other times I don't say anything and I think maybe I am just not being true to myself and being a chicken. The only way to know which one is the right option for that particular situation is to really ask God for wisdom and discernment. This seems to elude me everytime lately. Why isn't that my first reaction? I am also reminded on how we continously hurt each other in our selfishness and sinful nature. Someone may hurt me at this moment, but just wait a minute and I will probably do the same to them (knowingly or unknowingly- what doesn't seem like a big deal to me ends up being a big deal to them). Repairing relationships is not an easy task either. I have felt that. Everyone involved may say they are sorry, but the words don't get forgotten very easily. God is the redeemer though and those relationships can be repaired, but at what cost? The other question I think of is will the relationship go deeper if I say something. If all we do is fake that we are okay when we are not, then what? Don't we have a shallow friendship? But again, I think it goes back to not faking, but truly NOT being offended.
So, how do I not become easily offended? First, realize that my security is not in how someone else thinks of me. They can think what they want, but I am loved by my heavenly Father no matter what. Yes, I believe we are to learn from others and take the constructive criticism as a call to change in some areas, but it should not reach the core of our soul where we go into shame mode because of what the other person said. Secondly, realize that we are all sinners saved by grace. We will be hurt and we will hurt others, that is just part of being human and living on this earth. Thirdly, people hurt often because they are hurting. They need our love and compassion, not our judgement and rejection. They are the ones that need love even more! The ones that are hardest to love are the ones that need even more love to penetrate the walls of hurt.
If I really know who I am in the Father's eyes, why would I allow something that someone says or does to affect me so gravely? The real heart of the issue is that we really do not believe that God loves us that much. We are putting too much stock in what others think because deep down we fear that we are unlovable and defective somehow and when people judge us it brings all those feelings to the fore. The more we know of the love of God, the more we will truly be able to give it away without condition! I want that so much Lord! Pour out Your love upon me so that it seeps into every crack and crevice of who I am and fills up every void. I want to walk in such an assurance of Your love that nothing could separate me from Your love (most especially me). Lord, I want to truly be inoffendable- not just phony. No just appearing sweet on the outside, but seething on the inside, but truly at peace no matter what! This would be a miracle, but You are in the business of miracles, please do that miracle in me!
What is the root of being offended anyway? Self-righteousness, insecurity, arrogance (why are they doing this or saying this to ME?), fear, and a low self-esteem. What would've happened if Jesus walked this earth and became offended over everything that anyone said or did against Him? Do you think he would have died for them anyway? At the cross where his accusers were mocking and ridiculing him while he was suffering what did He say? "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." He didn't say, "You hurt my feelings, stop that." or "Why are you demeaning me that way?" No, he knew why he had come. He knew the call God had on His life, to save those very ones that were hurting him. Usually the very ones that are hurting us the most are the ones that need the most unconditional love. They do not know what love is and therefore do not know how to give it.
I think the reason that we get so easily offended all the time is that we think of ourselves more highly than we ought for one. We also put too much stock in what others say because we do not truly believe that we are loved to the very core of who we are by the very one that created us. The truth is that no one can love us to that extent in our own natural selfish, sinful selves. We just are not capable of loving someone to that degree no matter what they do to us UNLESS we have the spirit of God moving in us causing us to will and to do his good pleasure! When we get so caught up in what someone has done against us we are acting like the guy in the Bible that was demanding others to pay up on their debts even though his debts had been forgiven! We are so fickle that way. The thing is that we will hurt knowingly or unknowingly just as we are hurt. Hurt people will hurt people. We as humans are hurt. We say things and do things that we don't even realize are hurtful until something is brought to our attention. I think we do need to be sensitive and listen when others bring something up so that we can examine ourselves, not so that we will go into shame mode, but so that we can bring that before the Father and say, "Why am I doing this?"
I bring this topic up because it has weighed heavily on my mind lately. Friendships can be so tenuous. Even after many, many years of friendship we still cannot handle criticism and sometimes we just cannot handle the truth. We are all such delicate creatures in that way. Our hearts are very tender. Part of that is good, that is why we become friends at all- we need each other, that is how God made us. We are to be interpendent. We need to strike the balance of not being offended and at the same time realizing that we need to be very gentle with each other's hearts. We are all like facades of confidence and appearing like we all have it all together, but one thing happens, one person says one mean thing and it all comes crashing down.
There are many ways to handle these situations- let them go, give the other person who hurt grace and try to forget about it and go on or bring it up in love. But I think to myself, what are you wanting to accomplish by bringing it up? Do you want them to feel bad? Do you want them to grovel? Do you simply want them to acknowledge their wrong and apologize? We really need to bring it before the Father who has all wisdom and understanding. When is the right time? How? What do I say? We cannot know these answers in our flesh apart from God. We often just want the other person to pay somehow, that definetely is not God's way. Lord, the only way we can live not being offending or not offending is to walk with you moment by moment. It is only by your spirit that we will overlook offense as you did. The only way is by a miracle that takes place in the deepest part of our heart and soul, that place that needs to know the truth of your love so desperately. Your love is truly the balm that will heal our soul. I ask for that miracle today, pour over me with your spirit that I would be less offensive to others and less offended by others.
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