For one thing, I know that God is big and He can handle my honest questions, my vulnerable heart's complaints and my downright entitled attitude sometimes. I think that it is a healthy thing to talk to God with a bare, hurting soul before Him, He sees me anyway so there is no where that I can hide from His all-knowing, all-seeing nature. I believe that my Heavenly Father was listening and feeling some of my pain as He knew that my vision was skewed, my heart was lonely and tired of waiting and my mind just did not understand all the whys of the wait. He "gets" me now and He "got" me then too.
And secondly, He knew the journey that I was on and have been on until today. He is calling me to all that He has for me and although He knows the whys of what is going on in my soul, the hurts or losses that I have been through; He still has plans for me to push through, to trust Him more fully in every area of life and so, He asks me to find something to be thankful for. Why? Because it changes me! He know what is best for me!
Have you ever noticed how hard it can be to be thankful? I have noticed that even in the midst of our greatest blessings there are some of our deepest struggles and despairs that can overwhelm us to a place of total oblivion and numbness (if we are lucky...sometimes the pain is so great all we want is relief). Life is hard even in the midst of miracles. We have got to look for those blessings when we are surrounded by the day-to-day muck and mire of work, the repetitiveness of vacuuming and mopping that dirty floor one more time. Do you need to eat again? I have no idea what to make tonight! Those things may seem petty, but they are real and they can drain the life right out me...they can zap that ounce of creativity I had left.
Being thankful is a discipline and if you know how hard it is to push yourself off the sofa and onto your exercise machine then you know all about how discipline can be difficult to muster! But, just like we need to work to keep our bodies healthy, so we must work to call our souls up and look, sometimes search, I mean sometimes comb our lives to find that minute thing to be thankful for and trust me, there is something no matter what you are going through! Will you naturally do this when you are down and dealing with duties and difficulties, not likely; that's especially why we need to be intentional about it!
Another thing I thought of regarding cultivating the attitude of thankfulness is living in the moment! Why not revel in this one quiet moment when the house is still; rather than worrying about all I have to do tomorrow? Worry will kill joy quicker than anything! Taking that moment with my son; he is changing so fast already. Enjoying that long embrace with my husband; he may be gone tomorrow, who knows what tomorrow will bring? Spending that time with a friend, be all there with her!
So, at least once a year we are reminded to be full of thanks! To give thanks! To essentially realign our hearts once again with the one who gives so many blessings for us to enjoy. So, what am I thankful for? Though we wait for another baby to love, I am grateful for the one God (and his birthmother) gifted us with over four years ago. Though I am saddened at the apparent decades long rift in our family, I am grateful for a family that invited us in to have a birds' eye view of the love they have for one another. Though married life is so much harder than I ever knew, God has given me the opportunity to learn how to love unselfishly and a husband that loves me beyond what I deserve. Though I struggle with life on so many levels; my perfect Father loves me and says that "I will never leave you or forsake you"
And, for all these things and more; I will FOREVER be gratefu! "Thanks be to God for His indescribeable gifts" Not just today, but everyday I will seek to live in gratitude, to find as to search for hidden treasure, the little miracles in each day!
