Be at Peace With Others...

Relationships are hard, really hard!  Dealing with other sinners just like me just doesn't always produce very good fruit or friendships for that matter...whether it be in the difficulties of home life with your spouse or other family members and in friendships; maintaining healthy communication, not getting our feelings hurt, not assuming we know another's motives without asking them or just dealing with all of our idiosyncrasies, sometimes it would be so much easier to just live as a hermit...or it is just me who has hermit tendencies?

I have a friend who has been going through a hard time in her life and has for quite some time...I think she is upset with me.  Now, she has not said that she was upset, but is acting like she is upset and as a result, I feel irritated and manipulated by her...so, we have not talked in a couple weeks, which is not typical.  I thought if I just ignored it she would get over it and everything would be fine.
I am not sure what to do now...

One of the Scriptures I have been memorizing is 1 John 2:9 which says, "Anyone who claims to be in the light and hates his brother, remains in the darkness".  Yikes!  There are so many Scriptures that admonish us to love our brothers and sisters and remind us that that is a mark of a believer, that we love one another...for we have the "ministry of reconciliation"!

God knows how hard it is for us to get over ourselves, our attitudes, our entitlements, our selfishness, our desire to be right, our weaknesses...and yet He calls us up to deal with all of these things, to make no provision for the flesh as Paul says.  We are to do whatever it takes to bring about mutual edification..."As far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men".

Guess I know what I need to do...

Make that call...

For mercy triumphs over judgment...

Praying for the victims of ISIS

Yesterday I was exercising and listening to worship music, as I usually do.  I do not remember what song was on; but I began to pray...to pray for Christians a world away who are dealing with very real physical persecution...from the hands of ISIS.  I had read that morning that there was a young woman, 28-years-old, whose parents had received a confirmed word that their daughter was dead...I cannot imagine getting news like that...it is beyond understanding; obviously evil to its core...

The ISIS (they used to be Al Quada in Iraq and then they were defeated, but not destroyed) have been torturing and beheading Christians and other Americans in Iraq and Syria...

I began praying and literally crying on behalf of these people who are enduring such horrendous atrocities...I was reminded of  Pastor Saeed Abedini who has been a prisoner in Iraq for at least two years.

The blood of the persecuted cries out...even so Lord, come!

On whom does it depend?

We had an interesting discussion tonight at home group....spurring lots of thoughts.  We talked of seasons in our lives...the imperceptible changes that take place deep within one's soul during these times.  The wintry, dry seasons that can bring us to despair or feeling as though something is just not clicking and we feel shame.  We talked of the season of grief....both through death and also through emotional loss.  It is okay to just be, to take the time necessary to feel the feelings, to ask the questions, to reminisce, to cry, to pray (or not).  Seasons where the wind blows over our dusty soul.  Seasons where the green vibrant leaves turn to orange and red colors and fall to the ground quietly and become part of the landscape, a catalyst for change, one where we notice that something is changing.

God is not worried about what I do.  He is not upset when I do not have a quiet time for days or weeks at a time...(we are the ones that lose out on peace that could've been ours for the day, hope in a difficult situation or wisdom for whatever we may face).  He does not need me, He just wants me to be with him.  We think we will meet with him and be blessed (and we will), but not necessarily like we thought...God can work and is working in us and around us in spite of us..."He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it" Philippians 4:13

We talked of where weeds can grow up and distract....so many things pull us from what is truly important and sometimes we cannot see it until it is too late.  All is meaningless as the writer of Ecclesiastes, Solomon, realizes time after time.

God loves us no matter what, no matter what season we may find ourselves in..."I will never leave  you nor forsake you", Hebrews 13:5 has always been one of my most favorite promises from Scripture.  I think of Psalm 139 as well where David talks of whether we are in the deepest hell or the highest mountain, God is still with us...  So, we cannot do anything or not do anything that will drive our Heavenly Father away from us.  God is not watching to see if we spend time with Him today reading His Word and then giving us a star on our scorecard for good behavior.  He is not concerned with anything really except for "hanging out with us", because He loves us and He knows what we need to be at peace, to thrive in the difficulties of life.

I brought up the fact that with gardening there are things that you need to do to be able to reap a harvest...first, plant the seed; the lettuce is not going to arrive in the spring unless I cultivate the soil and plant the seed, fertilize or compost it, water it and weed it.  Does that mean I need to "cultivate" my relationship with God somehow or is it all about God drawing and wooing me alone?  It seems that the Bible often has a cause and effect or condition and promise system mentioned in both Old Testament and New Testament...

Which came first, the chicken or the egg scenario pops in my mind at this point...we love because He first loved us or do we love because we are trying to gain His love?  Why are we doing what we are doing; reading our Bible, memorizing Scripture, serving the poor or having our morning quiet time ritual?  Is it because we want to connect with our Father or is it because we are afraid of His judgment or trying to gain His approval?  It seems to me that it is really a motivation thing more than any "thing".  

I was thinking of relationships...do I intentionally seek out moments to connect with my husband for example or does it happen without me even trying sometimes?  Sometimes I have noticed that the times I am trying "too hard"  blow up in my face and at other times it just happens naturally without me working at it at all....Is it a combination of both?  

How about long-distance family?  Do I need to purposefully cultivate relationships or is there a familiarity that stands the test of time with a security in the relationship that is already established so that no matter what I do or don't do as far as connecting is concerned, that bond remains close?  If it is close, don't I feel "closer" per se when I spend time talking with them and visiting them?  

It seems that it is neither and both all at the same time...it depends on the quality of the relationship for one and we know that God is perfect, all-loving and a very present help in our time of need (even when we do not know that we need).  So, at least one-half of this friendship will not fail.  So, the question for me at this point is do we have any responsibility in the quality of our relationship with God?  One verse says, "It does not depend on man's desire or effort..."  

It seems the more I ponder this thought, the more of a quandary I am in.  James tells us that "Faith without works is dead".  Or to put it in my own words..."your faith without actions means nothing". Again, it is about motivation...what is driving the actions?  You already have God's approval; you are his child!  I think of my relationship with my son, whether he does good or bad, excels at piano or fails to listen in music lessons; he is my son and I love him!  His poor choices break my heart and his good choices encourage me, but either way I love him still.  I am committed to him and will never abandon him no matter what!

I am loved by my Abba Daddy no matter what, but His heart grieves when I make bad decisions...and as a result I may face the natural consequences of my poor decisions.  I am thinking of the judgment of Israel, being led to captivity in Babylon...they sought other gods, they filled the void they had with idols...and we are no different though our "gods" may look different...but God loved them and His compassions do not fail and He eventually delivered them out the hands of their captors...

Today, I will seek  my God at all times, His praise will continually be on my lips!  I will remind myself that I am loved, no matter what and will rest in a love so complete and so pure that there is no need for me to run anywhere else....

Our Adoption Journey

I haven't written in a long time regarding our adoption journey.  We started our second adoption process in January 2011 with lots of paperwork and were "Ready and waiting" in August of that same year.

Now it is  February 2014!  My husband is fifty-one on the nineteenth of this month and I am forty-nine this coming November; we are no spring chickens.  Our first son, Josiah, is now going to be five-years-old on April 10.  We have waited and waited for a long time.  We have contemplated when it is time to stop waiting even if we do not have a baby...our fos-adopt licence is in effect until August of this year and we have talked about stopping the process then if we still do not have a baby placed with us.  We certainly do not come to this decision lightly.  We really felt God was leading us in that direction.  We really wanted a brother or sister for Josiah...But, who can know the mind of God?  We have invested so much into this adoption; time, money, resources, prayer...you name it!  It is scary to come to the point of saying no when it could have been any day or month and we have gotten "THE" call...but how long are we to hold on?

Speaking of calls....we received a call from Katherine a couple of weeks ago.  She was asking us if we were open to adopting an eight-month-old healthy baby boy as the birthmother had felt that she had not bonded with this baby and was ready to place him (she had gone to the adoption agency when she had found out she was pregnant and decided to parent the child).  The excitement of it all.  "Is this the baby you have for us Lord?"  Excited and yet, full of trepidation...an eight-month-old?  Now, I wold love to have an infant past the initial stages of infancy, but isn't separation anxiety at its height in a baby of this age?  What would happen if the baby who is used to the smell, sound and routines of his birthmother sees that she is not there?  Inconsolable crying?  How could I handle this little guy who cannot understand where his mother has gone and rejects me as his mother?  I was imagining my husband at work and me trying to handle a heartbroken little boy crying his eyes out hour after hour, day after day and maybe even week after week...

Who knows how the little boy would have done and how I would have handled it; we did not get chosen after all...part of me was relieved and part of me was disappointed too...when would we get the call?  Will it ever happen?  So many dichotomies in life that are irreconcilable...it is not for us to understand, it is only for us to trust that our times are in God's hands and He alone understands our hearts and He alone is able to make all grace abound to us as we continue this journey that we do not know how it will end.  I am always encouraged by the story of Hagar...when she was in the desert, thrown out of her master's house, nearly dying of thirst with her boy, Ishmael; "God knows, God sees, God hears".  I am so comforted by that today as I think about our journey in the desert of not knowing or understanding all the whys.

And so, in our "not-knowing", we trudge on...though our waiting is nearly over (one way or the other), I am certain our days of waiting will never end.  It seems we all are waiting for something at many points of our life...it is our job, my job, not just to wait, but to wait well...only by the grace of God!