I am tired tonight...often I feel quite good throughout the day as I tackle homeschooling our nearly seven-year-old son and cleaning up the mini messes and not so mini disasters of our nearly two-year-old. Then today, I look up toward the ceiling in the kitchen for whatever reason and there I find a newfound leak bubbling into the shape of a water balloon longing to burst. So a call to hubby to alert him, change my plans for finishing science, trying to get homemade pizzas somewhat pre-made as we also have an appointment and a couple of errands to do before coming home for dinner. You know how it goes...one thing after another, some days it seems like nothing can be easy. I was just talking to God the other day about that...in the midst of great frustration after one small thing after another turned into a trying test of patience I blurted right out loud to him, "Why can't anything ever be easy Lord"? Some days are just like that...
Anyway, my son and hubby were watching a kid's show and after I began to notice my legs aching, I decided to take a hot bath to relax and draw out the kinks. As I soaked, a family member came to mind...prayers for mercy, for healing, for hope poured out like the water gushing out of the faucet. I was convicted of my own wrongdoing and wondered for the billionth time why and what and where to go from here...so many questions and so many haunting unanswerables...
My mind wandered to the Scripture my son and I have revisited again to memorize..."Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love NEVER fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Like NEVER EVER. God is love, without him, we cannot hope to love like that. We fail over and over again, daily, hourly...I have failed to love this person well, but am at a loss as to how to to do that. I prayed for wisdom in the situation. I prayed for forgiveness for my part once again and for the strength to love well. To not keep record of wrongs done, to be patient. But, my heart remains sad...a daily sadness that hovers over me sometimes like a light spring jacket and other times like a heavy wet wool...
We live in a world of sin and horrible brokenness. Just look at the news at any hour of every day and you and I will be reminded of this tragic fact...accidents, murders, sex trafficking, missing children, lying, cheating and stealing abounds and it can leave a soul parched for something...sometimes we walk around so thirsty, we can barely get through a day due to dehydration. A lack of encouragement, a lack of Living Water for our desperate souls. God knows the pain of the earth. He sees our struggle day after day. I bet there are times he longs to scoop up those who love him and take away all the angst, but instead comforts us with his words of peace, of love and of our home that awaits just beyond the clouds. Oh, some days, those imaginations of what heaven will be like light my fire, get me through another hard thing and help me to stay the course that I am on.
We press on for the high calling...we keep going knowing that this present tribulation is not to be compared with the joy that will come (my paraphrase). To press on indicates there will be struggle and God's Word does say, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world". Pressing means you have to exert yourself, there will be resistance. But we press on with God's strength each and every day. And on this Word I will continue to hope!
