Ponderings...

Last night I was typing medical transcription when all of a sudden I realized our cat Marly was missing. We had such a busy afternoon that I hadn't noticed until quite late...so I searched for him throughout the whole house and there was no Marly...

I decided to go for a walk in search of him and I passed one house where Phyllis lived, but now her husband lives there alone and I wondered how he was doing, then I passed the house where Dewey lived and he was now gone.  As I walked I passed where a friend used to live, he died of a sudden heart attack a few years back.  At MOPS today a woman who was pregnant has returned from out of state empty handed with a broken heart...my own heart is heavy with the sorrows in my own life and those all around me...

I think of that Scripture that says, "Death where is your sting?"  It seems to me that death brings a horrible painful sting...

But though the pain is real and the pain is great, the one silver lining in this darkness is that it is temporary... I think of Paul's words in Corinthians...we are receiving a far greater glory that will far (FAR) outweigh ALL of our troubles and heartache!  Our job is to keep our eye on the prize, keep looking to our final reward and that dear hurting one, is real too, more real than we can even know or feel right now which is why we must walk by faith and not by what we see...we are closer to that day than when we first began this journey.  Let us hold on, don't let go until we are home safe through the burning tears, in spite of the gut-wrenching sorrow and then we can celebrate what God has done for us! 

Shattered Dreams...but He is Able!

Shattered dreams; part of our journey in life...we all have them...we all need to grieve the loss of them oftentimes over and over and over again and, you know, it never ever gets easy...

We can make our plans, but it is our  job to be flexible and willing to change them as we need to...goals are good, plans are necessary and having expectations of how things will go is  just part of life.  But, in all those plans we need to remain flexible and willing to bend when the Lord directs us to go in a different direction than what we had hoped and dreamed for.

I wanted to get married earlier in life, it didn't work out as I had planned.  I wanted to have a closeness with a very special person in my family, it has not happened.  I wanted to have children earlier, but number one (marriage) didn't happen until way later than I had hoped and now I find myself as a new mom in my late forties.  I wanted to homeschool my children and yet I am not sure that will happen...so many disappointments, but will I remain brokenhearted and bitter or look up to the Creator that does all things well?

Some of my dreams are based on values (like homeschooling), but God's ways are not our ways...we cannot understand the mind of God...He knows and understands our heart as well as our motives, but that does not mean all that we wish for will happen.

One of my dreams of sorts was to homeschool our son...because of our Christian values and beliefs, but he is an only child and we are wondering if it is the best way for him...Lord, we need wisdom beyond ourselves and the ability to see what You have in store...there is no guarantee that our kids will make right choices even if we do everything we can to help them, they have free wills...raising kids is one of the hardest and most heartbreaking jobs we will ever do and yet the most rewarding as well.  This is why being on our knees and crying out to the Lord for His direction is the only way we can move forward in confidence despite opposition and without regrets.

Yet, as a parent, we will always wonder if we did what was right, we will second-guess ourselves perpetually and take what people say about our kids to heart because we feel it reflects on us and we don't want to look bad or feel like failures to ourselves or to others...why do we worry so  much about what others think of us and our decisions when they are human just like us...

The love that we have for our kids is not enough to keep them from wrong choices...I love the thought I heard once that even though God is perfect, His kids did not turn out perfectly and yet He is LOVE!  He makes no mistakes...and in that I can take heart...unlike Him, I will make mistakes and unlike Him, my love is great, but flawed nonetheless.  We will fail in many ways in the raising of our children, but we are not failures!  We are flesh and bone, but we have a God that is bigger than anything we can do or not do...He is able even when we are not.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the  more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me".  2 Corinthians 12 9:10

So, here I will boast about my weakness...and there are many, but again a reminder to my own soul...He is able!