I was born the second of my family though raised as the firstborn due to my sister dieing in a tragic car accident; I was four when this happened. I have two younger brothers. We moved around nearly every year as I was growing up (this is a different story) and was always the new kid on the block...our family scraped by, lived on food stamps intermittently and so I did not fit in with the fashions of the day. I loved school when it came to learning, but socially I felt like a misfit.
I remember myself being a "late-bloomer". I preferred to hang out with kids younger than me because they were doing crafts and learning new things while my peers were sitting around talking about boys, which I didn't care about at all.
When I got out of school it felt like things went better overall...
But, I began working at a nursing home with the elderly (whom I loved dearly), but there were few that were my age; I was nineteen when I started as a nurses' aide.
As I progressed into my twenties, those who were my age were beginning to date and marry. Still, I was not really wanting to date much unless I knew that they were a believer and kind of felt like a reject in the man department. This "condition" persisted for nearly two decades.
Fast forward to when I was thirty-eight, I met my husband and married after a two-year on/off long-distance dating relationship. Now, I thought I had finally "arrived" to official adulthood and found I was in the same place (maybe only in my mind), but now we were older newlyweds. Later we became older parents and we still do not fit with anyone...most of those who are our age, their kids are teens or have left the nest. Those with younger children are one to two decades our junior. The age vortex.
So, now I am nearly fifty and going to MOPS with my first child who is four. How do I relate to those around me? Maybe I am putting too much stock in this age thing. I was never one to worry about this, but now I find myself skirting the whole age question and even feeling a bit embarrassed...
Then we go to a group with all empty-nesters and many of my friends are older...though I enjoy them all immensely and appreciate all their wisdom and experience that they pass on to us, there is a part of me that feels like I will never fit in there either...
Where do I belong?
Misfit status once again, the story of my life. We are betwixt the two generations in many ways and this just adds to my misfit status and so I tend to be a loner...I have never really seemed to relate well with those that are my own age...
Why does this bother me so much, to the point where I am writing a blog entry about this? Not sure exactly, guess I should be used to this by now (as my mom would say), but feeling like you don't fit never quite fits well...
