What would he/she would've looked like? Would she look like me? Would he be like me? Questions that all came to my mind the other morning while making our bed for some reason, right out of the blue. We have two beautiful adopted sons and we are grateful for the chance to be parents although being older parents sometimes poses unique challenges that one doesn't think about until there. I don't think too much about the what if's, probably an exercise in futility, but it was an interesting as well as a sort of haunting thought. I think I thought of this because I had been looking at pictures of one of our sons siblings and birth mother and was trying to figure out who he resembled. Might we have had a girl I already know what her name was going to be..."Bella Faith", and that makes me sad. My grandmother's name was Bella and I always wanted to honor her and my mom for her loss and my loss of not having her in my life. But that is not the plan God had for me. I wistfully think of that often actually and grieve over the loss of what apparently can never be...
One of our sons looks a lot like us, people often tell us that and no one would know that he was adopted. The other son is another ethnicity so there are never comments about how he looks so much like us. It may seem like a small thing, but it is a thing nonetheless. I don't think about that part very much at all, but there are fleeting moments when it crosses my mind and I am sure as they get older it will cross their minds as well.
God knows what He is up to and it is up to me to trust that His plans are good and there is where I will leave this lingering thought....
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